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Serious inquiries only. This listing is not satire.

about me

28-year-old woman living in NYC (Brooklyn/Queens). Cybersecurity girl, former film/screen studies person, current internet creature. I like weird media, technology, good food, shitty horror movies, and spending an unreasonable amount of time with someone I like.

I’m independent, affectionate, and genuinely curious about people. I value honesty, emotional maturity, and a sense of humor. I can be intense, but in a fun way (most of the time).

what I’m looking for

A boyfriend! Ideally 26–34, in or near NYC.

  • Emotionally available and interested in a real relationship
  • Intelligent / nerdy / curious about the world
  • Kind, respectful, and consistent
  • Has hobbies, friends, and a life outside of the relationship
  • Good communicator (actually texts back)
  • Affectionate
  • Enjoys both staying in and going out
  • Open to deep conversations, dumb jokes, and shared interests
  • Not afraid of a girl who has strong opinions

dealbreakers

  • Not interested in casual hookups, situationships, or poly
  • Avoidant attachment styles
  • Poor communication
  • Bigotry of any kind
  • Men who can’t take a joke
  • People who aren’t ready for a relationship

if this is you

Send a thoughtful message with a little bit about yourself, what you’re currently obsessed with, and maybe your favorite movie, game, or album. Bonus points if you can make me laugh.

  • do NOT contact me with unsolicited dick pics
  • do NOT try to sell me anything
  • do NOT message if you’re already in a relationship
  • be cool. be normal. be interesting.